Never Meet Your Heroes, Elizabeth Gilbert Edition

Why we need to let go of the myth of celebrity authenticity

Years ago, I had a conversation with three of my favorite CNN makeup artists who couldn't stop raving about Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis.

I was genuinely puzzled.

"She's so real. She’s authentic," they said, trying to convince me to read her book. "She's a mom, a wife, and a successful businesswoman who somehow manages it all."

I tried to explain that this was almost certainly impossible. "You need to understand that celebrities are usually telling a story," I said. "It's a story they know will connect with people, leaving out the parts that won't. Sometimes these stories are completely fabricated, but more often, they're narratives the celebrities themselves have bought into."

They were outraged. How could I suggest their beloved Rachel wasn't genuine?

These women were not naifs. They had famous people sitting in their makeup chairs all day long. I pointed out how differently so many of these people were privately versus on television, or how their personalities shifted depending on the situation or who they were talking to. How so often they would espouse values or beliefs on television that were at odds with how they lived, and that they never pretended to believe in real life.

No, it's not the same, they insisted. They were sure Rachel was in a different category.

Sometime later, one of them texted me: "You were right." She was furious. She'd shelled out her hard-earned money for Rachel's marriage boot camp, only to have Rachel and her husband announce their divorce weeks later. The basic math was damning: they weren't just selling marriage advice while their relationship unraveled; they'd been building a brand on a fiction for years.

I felt no satisfaction in being right. I would have preferred to be wrong.

The sad irony is that many purveyors of life wisdom often are unable to practice what they preach.

Your favorite happiness guru is likely miserable. The relationship expert's marriage is probably a disaster. The internationally famous spiritual teacher holds grudges and has a vindictive streak. The person who preaches the slow life just cut you off in traffic.

I know this because I know (or have a close friend who knows) many of the people who are idolized in our culture and treated as gurus. If you spend any time with these people the first thing that strikes you is how they don’t even try to align their lives with their public image. The stories they tell publicly have a kernel of truth, but have been jacked up to fit whatever narrative they are selling in the name of authenticity.

There's a reason they say you should never meet your heroes.