Shifting from Labeling to Learning
How less labeling can lead to more understanding and decreased division
It's not uncommon to hear someone say that a family member who was dishonest with them is a "liar." Or that someone who made a sexist remark is a "misogynist."
Of course, most of us have told lies at some point in life but don't consider ourselves liars and have probably said or believed something sexist—yes, even women—but don't consider ourselves sexist.
We would rightly resist others labeling us as such.
We might say, "I said something that wasn't true, and here is why." We might feel justified or regretful, but I guarantee we will not think we are intrinsically dishonest.
If I tell my husband he's "selfish" because he forgot to do something I asked him to do, it's not going to be the start of a great conversation.
He's going to be understandably defensive.
Instead, it's more helpful to be curious. Maybe I would say, "Remember when I asked you to do that thing for me? Is there a reason you weren't able to do it?"
This gives my husband the chance to explain. Maybe he's really stressed out and overwhelmed. He thought he could get to it, but he just wasn't able to. Maybe he forgot, but he will take care of it tomorrow.