We Don't Need 'Self-Help,' We Need Support
What we can learn from Denmark, home to some of the happiest people on Earth
Each time I look at the Publishers Weekly bestseller list, I am struck by how Americans are always seeking guidance on how to do the most basic human things: follow a healthy diet, exercise, have friends, or be happy.
Yet, no matter how many of these books are printed and read, Americans still aren't happy, healthy, connected, or anything else that they keep reading about. I was once a great consumer of this genre, and I recently reflected on how much time I wasted trying to make my life work by nibbling around the edges of the problem.
This is not to say that there are no self-help or personal development books worth reading. There are. But it feels like it's time that we come to terms with the fact that most of the problems from which Americans seek relief can’t be solved at the individual level.
You can't have more meaningful friendships if you and your friends don't have free time. You can't retire and live near your grandchildren if you lost half your retirement savings in a stock market crash (or if you have no retirement savings). You can't join a book club, volunteer, or take up a hobby if, when the workday ends, you are so depleted that all you have energy for is to lay under a weighted blanket and binge Netflix.
A new workout, a “clean” eating regime or a meditation practice can’t make a person healthy in an unhealthy environment. No amount of therapy or prayer will erase the chronic stress of a two-hour commute, lack of childcare, medical debt, or loneliness. Walkable cities and towns would do more for our physical and mental health than a thousand wellness books.
The fact is, happy and healthy people don't just happen.
They are created by the culture in which they reside.
Late last year, as I came to terms with my desire to leave the US, I read The Year of Living Danishly by
to learn what it feels like to relocate to a foreign country. (I would put this book on the list of helpful “self-help” books). Russell and her husband found themselves in their early thirties, completely burnt out from life in London, which sounds frighteningly similar to American life. (Her description reminded me of my conversation with )When Russell's husband was offered a job at Lego, Inc. in Denmark, they decided to go for a year to try a different way of life. The Danish are famously often ranked the world's happiest people, and as a journalist, Russell set out to discover why and to see if she would be happier living there.
The book is fascinating, and I highly recommend it. There are far too many revelations to mention in one essay, but something that affected me was learning that the Danes have very high expectations of their government and the government works in pretty incredible ways to meet those expectations.
The government guarantees pretty much anything you can think of: health care, higher education, day care, a year of paid maternity and paternity care, unemployment insurance guaranteeing 80 percent of your wages for two years, and more paid vacation days in a year than many Americans get in a lifetime. The Danish government even put careful thought into designing public spaces and buildings to maximize happiness, believing (correctly) that people's environments influence their sense of well being.