Is It Possible to Rewrite Our Relationship with Time?

New York Times bestselling author Chris Guillebeau explains how to break free of 'time anxiety'(Q&A)

I have to say that when I decided to live a slower life, I did not predict that one of the hardest parts of it would be that there would be people getting upset and insisting that I speed up. This happens even though said people are unable to articulate what horrible thing would happen if I took more time to respond to them—and yes, I have asked.

It’s not that I don’t have sensitivity to other people’s needs or schedules. When there is a reason to rush, I will do it.

It’s just that there is rarely a reason to rush.

Those who live in English-speaking countries, in particular, have a disordered relationship with time: it’s seen as a scarce commodity that cannot be “wasted.” We are “saving time or “running out” of time. There are those who are “buying time” and feel under the gun to “beat the clock.”

Time is distorted—there is either too much or not enough.

While people are worrying about not maximizing every minute of the day, they also have no real sense of how much time has passed. This is how someone follows up three days after an email to wondering why you haven’t replied, as if you aren’t living an entire life outside of your computer or phone.

It’s incredibly stressful to live this way for everyone involved. Rushing and unnecessary urgency are terrible for your nervous system. Your body gets confused and treats minor inconveniences as catastrophes.

But I’ve found someone who can help:

Chris Guillebeau

is the New York Times bestselling author of The $100 Startup, The Happiness of Pursuit, and many other books. He writes A Year of Mental Health here on Substack and just released Time Anxiety: The Illusion of Urgency and a Better Way to Live.

Chris agreed to answer some questions about his important new book. I hope you find it as illuminating as I did!

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I was excited to see this new book because I am so exhausted from urgency culture to the point that I’m about to delete my email account. How did this happen? Why is everything treated like an emergency these days?

What's happened is that digital technology has removed natural boundaries that once existed. Without physical separation between work and home, or clear markers for the end of a workday, everything bleeds together and creates a perpetual state of alertness.

And the problem isn't just external pressure; it's also how we've internalized the belief that constant availability equals excellence.

We have to recognize this expectation as the impossibility it is. We need to establish our own limits because no one else will do it for us.

So yes, we need to calm down—but we also need to rewrite our relationship with time, or it will never get better.

In your book, you identify two distinct forms of time anxiety - existential ("time is running out in my life") and daily routine ("there's not enough time in the day"). Why is understanding this distinction so important?

Those experiencing the existential form say things like, "I don't know what to do with my life, and it feels like time is running out." Those focused on daily routine say, "There's not enough time in the day to do what I need, and I keep falling behind."

While these might seem like separate issues, they're deeply connected. The sense of angst is similar: "Time is passing me by. I don't feel in control of my circumstances. There's something I should be doing, but I don't know what it is."

The distinction is important because it helps us address the root causes of time anxiety rather than just treating the symptoms.

Ultimately the solutions are connected: we want to connect what we do today with something that matters to us in the long term. When we understand which type is most relatable to us, however, we can better target our interventions.

One of the reasons I moved to Italy was to have less time anxiety. I don’t sense people have it here, whereas almost every American I know feels it acutely. Do you think this is a particularly American problem, or am I just projecting my issues onto other people?

It's not particularly American, but I think you're right that it manifests differently in various cultures. What you're experiencing in Italy reflects a different cultural relationship with time. I thought of you when I read about Mike Piazza going to buy a BMW in Italy and being told they were closing for lunch¹—something that would be unthinkable in many American retail settings!

Whether American or otherwise, it's hard to overstate how deeply rooted the gospel of efficiency is in Western culture. Hundreds of books, workshops, seminars, and TED talks reinforce the same false belief structure: if we just work harder, we can somehow “catch up” and be able to do everything.

You write about how time anxiety prevents people from moving forward with even basic tasks. What are some signs that time anxiety might be holding someone back? Is time anxiety another way to describe procrastination or are they different?

Time anxiety prevents people from moving forward in some very basic operations of life. In my research, I found people repeatedly saying things like "I get absolutely frozen and can't make simple decisions" or "I've had the same important task at the top of my to-do list for ten days in a row, but I just can't bring myself to face it."

Signs that time anxiety might be holding someone back include:

• Using absolute terms like "always," "never," and "constantly" to describe struggles with time

• Experiencing a recurring sense of discontent, an undercurrent that something isn't right

• Chronic indecisiveness about what to do next, even for simple tasks

• Strong feelings of shame about "falling behind" or not meeting self-imposed deadlines

• Avoidance of unpleasant situations even when taking just a few minutes to address them would provide immediate relief

Time anxiety and procrastination are related but distinct. While procrastination is a behavior, time anxiety is a deeper emotional state that connects to all three dimensions: the past, present, and future. You feel regretful about the past, uncertain about the present, and apprehensive of the future.

Procrastination is often a symptom of time anxiety, not the cause. When you're anxious about time, making decisions becomes more difficult because you're not just weighing options—you're also carrying the weight of past regrets and future fears. This emotional burden makes even simple tasks feel overwhelming.

Your book develops the concept of "time blindness" - can you explain what this is and why understanding it can be so liberating?

Time blindness refers to chronically misjudging the time you have, often leading to lateness, procrastination, or anxiety about all the things you haven't done. You don't estimate time well, even when you promise yourself you'll do better in the future, and this causes all kinds of other problems.

Understanding time blindness is liberating because it helps you recognize this isn't a character flaw—it's simply how your brain processes time. Time blindness doesn't mean you're careless or irresponsible. It means you process time differently—and for the ways that this holds you back (like frequently being late, for example), there are things you can do!

As a general recommendation, I encourage everyone to allow more time for transitions. Whatever amount of time you think you need, add 10-15 more minutes. Don’t try to cram in “one more thing” before leaving for an appointment.

This very simple shift can make your life much better.

What are some of the most damaging ideas we've internalized about time management that we need to let go of?

Perhaps the most destructive concept is "learned helplessness" - when you don't feel in control of something, you stop trying to change the situation, even when change is possible. This leads to a cycle where you continue harmful patterns because you don't believe you can create different ones.

Other harmful ideas include:

• "Get up one hour earlier and work harder" - a strategy that works for about two days before sleep deprivation kicks in!

• "Fully schedule your life down to fifteen-minute increments" - which ignores how many people work better with flexible schedules

• "Stop being lazy" - which mischaracterizes what's actually happening when you struggle with executive functions

As I had to learn in therapy, what got you here won't get you there. The skills that brought you to this point in life aren't sufficient to take you where you need to go next. But again, the good news is that we can learn new skills and perspectives.

Are productivity tools a grift? It seems like they take up even more of our time, rather than doing what they promise. Do you recommend using them or is there a better way to not always feel we are racing against the clock to finish our to do list?

Well, productivity tools aren't inherently a grift—there's nothing wrong with a good tool. I still like apps, journals, and lists. The problem is when we treat tools as THE ANSWER, rather than seeing them as just one part of a more holistic approach to working with time.

The world of productivity advice makes an appealing, impossible promise. It claims to offer order in a world of chaos but fails to equip us with tools that address the root problem. Along the way, it creates other issues of its own, leading us to cycle between feeling ashamed of being unable to conquer the beast and gearing up to try one more time.

That’s why I think there has to be a better way. And ultimately, that’s why I wrote the book.

Related

Italians Are Teaching Me About Rest

When the Land Calls, the Only Answer Is Yes

Why I Dream of Life Without Email

1. https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/mike-piazza-mets-dodgers-baseball.html