I think I need to move to Italy! Glad you're acclimating well to the Italian way of life!
I'm off this week for no other reason than I have the vacation time and there are things I want to do instead of being tethered to my work laptop. I'm relishing the agenda-free days (I'm pretending I'm retired/independently wealthy 😁), but have caught myself a couple of times getting anxious when I wasn't accomplishing something in the "allotted" time I had given it. While I was loving not living according to someone else's agenda, I was still grinding myself down with my own. I promptly erased my to-do list from the whiteboard and it's been blissful since! But I do wish the U.S. were more like European countries - we would be so much happier and healthier (body, mind, and soul).
All I can say is thank you. I enjoyed this so much. "The fact that their work does not define their existence does not make them lazy—it makes them human." I think you are getting to the root of the issue for me and for many others.
I had a business importing antiques from overseas for a few years and it was the same in France. Whether we were visiting a booth at a flea market or going to a vendor’s warehouse to see their inventory there was always a lot of conversation before we ever got talking about the actual antiques. And very often when we would go to their warehouses, a five course lunch would’ve been set up for us to have before ever looking at the inventory. There was so much conversation that sometimes we were like “what the heck is happening, why do they want to talk to us so much?” But slowly we began to realize they just want to be friends with the people they’re working with and they want to know more about them. It was a kindness! Silly Americans, we soon embraced this more familiar and slower process of doing business and we couldn’t wait to meet up with these lovely people again! Viva the slow life.
Shifting cultures takes time to adapt and adjust. Being on time is not as important here in Mexico as it seemed to be in the U.S. and there are a raft of other differences which we are still learning to appreciate. Pace is slower too for the most part, not the frenetic hurry up get it done ASAP. So, yes, more "relaxed and restful" and not as stressed. Our little community of ex-pats here has been accepted and adopted by locals and vice-versa. We're also a little ahead of the U.S. in having elected the first woman President. There are over a million ex-pats in Mexico, some 10,000 in this general area, scattered about in different neighborhoods and communities. It's hard being far away from family although we're still on the same continent.
Kirsten, it's always refreshing to get your updates. This one stirs so many reflections. Recovery vs. rest. The deification of efficiency. I was listening to David Whyte's book, "What to Remember When Waking Recently," and he said we try to solve complexity with velocity. I feel like much of our efficiency is really just an inability to tolerate the fullness and nuance of things. Can't imagine what fruit your new lifestyle will produce as you have more time to contemplate the complexity of things!
Sometimes I take a 15-minute walk in the middle of my work day and feel really guilty about it, even though I work for an organization with the word “Contemplation” in the name. 😆Thank you for this reminder that being a human being and needing to move my body and feel the sunshine on my face for 15 minutes in the middle of an 8-hour day is perfectly acceptable.
Kirsten, your post made me consider the difference between an emphasis on efficiency at the cost of other values vs. being bored for which i have a low tolerance, which may mean that I miss certain experiences. Have not figured that out yet for myself. Thanks for making me think!
David, I think many Americans can't tolerate boredom or "wasted time." I have struggled with this and have forced myself to engage in what's called' single-tasking,' which is just what we did before the internet and cell phones. The costant 'doing' is terrible for our brains and nervous systems, which need rest. And yes, we also miss out on other experiences! If you walk past a cafe in one of the towns near our new home in Italy, nobody is on a smart phone (unless they are a tourist)...they are talking to other people there or quietly enjoying their coffee.
YEAH - Kirsten. After spending time in Ireland this summer I’m ready to rehab my Grandfather’s 1858 3 room cottage and hangout for a spell - you’re leading by example! Let us know how hot it gets in Southern Italy and how you stay cool - swimming, limoncello, etc. Ciao Bella.
Love this. I remember obtaining my first company car in the UK in the mid 80’s - a French made Peugeot model. I placed my order in the Summer, just prior to their 4 week long summer vacation and I was amazed (and irritated by) the 4 week delay. (Brits typically had a 2 week shutdown in Summer). But in the end I reflected on how refreshing it would be to have a 4 week summer vacation every year. Ironically, the car became my favorite car of all time, loaded with modern features and very comfortable to drive.
I’m over-dating myself. It was about 1997, a couple of years before we emigrated to the US. - my first US car was a Chevy Malibu - nowhere near as good!
Oh, Kristen. I feel you and I could spend several "riposi" on this subject.
I'm finishing up a two-week trip in France. (I'm currently on a train between Lyon and Paris catching on Substack posts I've missed and avoiding anything related to this election.) And I'm convinced that the Italians, for sure, and the French, for the most part, have perfected rest. I've mostly been in Paris and Lyon, so it's more difficult to witness the importance French give rest in the larger cities when you're mostly around tourism. So, while I believe they value rest much the way the Italians do, I haven't witnessed it firsthand very often. I also believe when you're in the touristy parts of France, they find ways to let go of this value while catering to tourists. I did witness the afternoon riposa in the smaller communities outside Lyon, however.
Anyway, the question I'm constantly pondering is this: Will Americans ever clue in to this? Is it possible to cultivate friendships who "get" this concept of slowing down? I'm not sure that they will, or that it is. I just think the busy culture and the "recovery" culture is too ingrained.
My train is arriving at Gare de Lyon, so I'll have to come back and finish this thought later. :)
That’s really the question isn’t it? I feel like it is possible since it hasn’t always been like this. when i was growing up (I’m gen X) all this runningg around and hustling etc was not a thing. but can we put the genie back in the bottle? Also, as I’ve written, structural issues in the US make it hard to really rest…in Italy and France their structures support rest. Re France, I have a few friends who have moved to the south of france and it sounds very similar to Italy. It’s on my list of places to visit…it sounds heavenly.
I think I need to move to Italy! Glad you're acclimating well to the Italian way of life!
I'm off this week for no other reason than I have the vacation time and there are things I want to do instead of being tethered to my work laptop. I'm relishing the agenda-free days (I'm pretending I'm retired/independently wealthy 😁), but have caught myself a couple of times getting anxious when I wasn't accomplishing something in the "allotted" time I had given it. While I was loving not living according to someone else's agenda, I was still grinding myself down with my own. I promptly erased my to-do list from the whiteboard and it's been blissful since! But I do wish the U.S. were more like European countries - we would be so much happier and healthier (body, mind, and soul).
I think what you describe is very common, Jen. I'm glad you erased your to-do list!
All I can say is thank you. I enjoyed this so much. "The fact that their work does not define their existence does not make them lazy—it makes them human." I think you are getting to the root of the issue for me and for many others.
I'm so glad! and yes that line seems to have really resonated with a lot of people!
The rest/recovery difference never occurred to me before. But of course!
right?! major 'aha' moment for me
I had a business importing antiques from overseas for a few years and it was the same in France. Whether we were visiting a booth at a flea market or going to a vendor’s warehouse to see their inventory there was always a lot of conversation before we ever got talking about the actual antiques. And very often when we would go to their warehouses, a five course lunch would’ve been set up for us to have before ever looking at the inventory. There was so much conversation that sometimes we were like “what the heck is happening, why do they want to talk to us so much?” But slowly we began to realize they just want to be friends with the people they’re working with and they want to know more about them. It was a kindness! Silly Americans, we soon embraced this more familiar and slower process of doing business and we couldn’t wait to meet up with these lovely people again! Viva the slow life.
haha i love this!
I miss it!!
Shifting cultures takes time to adapt and adjust. Being on time is not as important here in Mexico as it seemed to be in the U.S. and there are a raft of other differences which we are still learning to appreciate. Pace is slower too for the most part, not the frenetic hurry up get it done ASAP. So, yes, more "relaxed and restful" and not as stressed. Our little community of ex-pats here has been accepted and adopted by locals and vice-versa. We're also a little ahead of the U.S. in having elected the first woman President. There are over a million ex-pats in Mexico, some 10,000 in this general area, scattered about in different neighborhoods and communities. It's hard being far away from family although we're still on the same continent.
Kirsten, it's always refreshing to get your updates. This one stirs so many reflections. Recovery vs. rest. The deification of efficiency. I was listening to David Whyte's book, "What to Remember When Waking Recently," and he said we try to solve complexity with velocity. I feel like much of our efficiency is really just an inability to tolerate the fullness and nuance of things. Can't imagine what fruit your new lifestyle will produce as you have more time to contemplate the complexity of things!
Im so glad— and I’m listening to that book right now!
May it speak to your soul. "Turn sideways into the light." I feel like that's what you're doing with your whole life. Blessings upon the days ahead!
Sometimes I take a 15-minute walk in the middle of my work day and feel really guilty about it, even though I work for an organization with the word “Contemplation” in the name. 😆Thank you for this reminder that being a human being and needing to move my body and feel the sunshine on my face for 15 minutes in the middle of an 8-hour day is perfectly acceptable.
hi jenna! DO NOT feel guilty! Seriously--take an HOUR walk :-)
Kirsten, your post made me consider the difference between an emphasis on efficiency at the cost of other values vs. being bored for which i have a low tolerance, which may mean that I miss certain experiences. Have not figured that out yet for myself. Thanks for making me think!
David, I think many Americans can't tolerate boredom or "wasted time." I have struggled with this and have forced myself to engage in what's called' single-tasking,' which is just what we did before the internet and cell phones. The costant 'doing' is terrible for our brains and nervous systems, which need rest. And yes, we also miss out on other experiences! If you walk past a cafe in one of the towns near our new home in Italy, nobody is on a smart phone (unless they are a tourist)...they are talking to other people there or quietly enjoying their coffee.
YEAH - Kirsten. After spending time in Ireland this summer I’m ready to rehab my Grandfather’s 1858 3 room cottage and hangout for a spell - you’re leading by example! Let us know how hot it gets in Southern Italy and how you stay cool - swimming, limoncello, etc. Ciao Bella.
That sounds amazing!
Love this. I remember obtaining my first company car in the UK in the mid 80’s - a French made Peugeot model. I placed my order in the Summer, just prior to their 4 week long summer vacation and I was amazed (and irritated by) the 4 week delay. (Brits typically had a 2 week shutdown in Summer). But in the end I reflected on how refreshing it would be to have a 4 week summer vacation every year. Ironically, the car became my favorite car of all time, loaded with modern features and very comfortable to drive.
💜💜💜
I’m over-dating myself. It was about 1997, a couple of years before we emigrated to the US. - my first US car was a Chevy Malibu - nowhere near as good!
Reminds me Peter Mayle’s book A Year in Provence. Reading his book and your note causing me to exhale.
I've actually never read that. Good reminder to pick up!
"The fact that their work does not define their existence does not make them lazy—it makes them normal." ❤️🇮🇹
I love reading about your time there. Maybe I was Italian in my past life...I always exercise a daily riposo. It is so necessary. :)
I am moving to Italy!!! I need some measure of peace in my life too!!
do it!!!
Oh, Kristen. I feel you and I could spend several "riposi" on this subject.
I'm finishing up a two-week trip in France. (I'm currently on a train between Lyon and Paris catching on Substack posts I've missed and avoiding anything related to this election.) And I'm convinced that the Italians, for sure, and the French, for the most part, have perfected rest. I've mostly been in Paris and Lyon, so it's more difficult to witness the importance French give rest in the larger cities when you're mostly around tourism. So, while I believe they value rest much the way the Italians do, I haven't witnessed it firsthand very often. I also believe when you're in the touristy parts of France, they find ways to let go of this value while catering to tourists. I did witness the afternoon riposa in the smaller communities outside Lyon, however.
Anyway, the question I'm constantly pondering is this: Will Americans ever clue in to this? Is it possible to cultivate friendships who "get" this concept of slowing down? I'm not sure that they will, or that it is. I just think the busy culture and the "recovery" culture is too ingrained.
My train is arriving at Gare de Lyon, so I'll have to come back and finish this thought later. :)
That’s really the question isn’t it? I feel like it is possible since it hasn’t always been like this. when i was growing up (I’m gen X) all this runningg around and hustling etc was not a thing. but can we put the genie back in the bottle? Also, as I’ve written, structural issues in the US make it hard to really rest…in Italy and France their structures support rest. Re France, I have a few friends who have moved to the south of france and it sounds very similar to Italy. It’s on my list of places to visit…it sounds heavenly.
I bet! Lyon was wonderful! Saw a lot of Italian influence as we headed south.
love lyon---feels like a mini paris---i have a bunch of art i bought there from a little place i found on a trip there in the 1990s for work
Beautiful to read how fulfilling life can be when a people/country has their priorities right.
Riposo…..such a sweet word.