Listen 44 minutes | "Shame is telling you that you're the only one. And if you are the only one, then no one else can know about it." -- Annalie Howling
Finally had a chance to listen and take notes...so glad that I did. Lots of great insights and will definitely listen again. The distinction between "should" and "want" early in the conversation really grabbed me and was convicting (in a good way). Thank you!
I too accepted “crumbs” for such a long time- maybe that’s why I could see it with you. 💔The shame card was thrown at me again and again. It was a good tactic on their part as it kept me where they -the abuser(s)-wanted me: small. No more breadcrumbs. We deserve the whole loaf my friend! 💓
That was a wonderful interview, my wife and I enjoyed it and circled this little town talking about it. She lives with a good bit of shame and so this was good stuff to hear. thanks
What a great and thought provoking conversation. Analie is so inspiring. When she said ‘I have no shame, at all, about anything,’ I was like ‘I want that!’ I can see the path she walked to get there and she made it seem entirely possible for any of us. I look forward to reading her book. Kirsten now that you have read her book and interviewed her, and been thinking about this for some time, do you find it’s been helping you release shame? I find I carry it from childhood but also from more recent times like the decision to have my mom move to memory care from my home where I was her sole caregiver for over a year until her dementia became too advanced. Still I feel shame knowing she didn’t want to be there, that I wasn’t a ‘good daughter’ until the end. That specific shame has been particularly hard to let go of. Even though I can envision her, loving me as she did, telling me not to feel any shame. That I did what I had to do because the situation had become untenable.
Amy, I’m glad that you found the conversation helpful. I have started to release some of the shame. I started working with an EMDR therapist and it’s helping. I guess the first step was just realizing that I had the shame and hearing someone like Annalie talk about it was really helpful. I’m so sorry that you went through that with your mother. I hope you know that you didn’t do anything wrong and that you had to do what was best for her and in that situation going into a memory care center is the best. You are not a nurse and even a nurse isn’t qualified for dealing with someone with cognitive impairment. What people need when they get to the stage of something that a family member simply can’t provide. I hope that you can find some peace around this. I think watching parents decline like this is one of the hardest things to deal with as an adult child.
I have heard great things about EMDR from a few friends of mine who have benefited from it. Thanks for your kind and compassionate words about my mother. I loved her dearly and our relationship was close which made her decline especially difficult. She died just a year ago so it makes sense that the grief and all its attendant emotions, including that shame that clings on, are understandable. I am working on letting go of it through my practice of daily journaling, meditation and a wonderful life coach I'm lucky to have.
So look forward to listening; Shame has been up for me lately along with repressed anger, fear, grief and all those emotions we need to bring out of the shadow.
Finally had a chance to listen and take notes...so glad that I did. Lots of great insights and will definitely listen again. The distinction between "should" and "want" early in the conversation really grabbed me and was convicting (in a good way). Thank you!
So glad it connected w you Dave
I too accepted “crumbs” for such a long time- maybe that’s why I could see it with you. 💔The shame card was thrown at me again and again. It was a good tactic on their part as it kept me where they -the abuser(s)-wanted me: small. No more breadcrumbs. We deserve the whole loaf my friend! 💓
Yes! 💜
That was a wonderful interview, my wife and I enjoyed it and circled this little town talking about it. She lives with a good bit of shame and so this was good stuff to hear. thanks
I’m so glad it resonated and sparked conversation ❤️
That shame is a tough one to shake, for all of us but I think especially for woman in this modern world.
What a great and thought provoking conversation. Analie is so inspiring. When she said ‘I have no shame, at all, about anything,’ I was like ‘I want that!’ I can see the path she walked to get there and she made it seem entirely possible for any of us. I look forward to reading her book. Kirsten now that you have read her book and interviewed her, and been thinking about this for some time, do you find it’s been helping you release shame? I find I carry it from childhood but also from more recent times like the decision to have my mom move to memory care from my home where I was her sole caregiver for over a year until her dementia became too advanced. Still I feel shame knowing she didn’t want to be there, that I wasn’t a ‘good daughter’ until the end. That specific shame has been particularly hard to let go of. Even though I can envision her, loving me as she did, telling me not to feel any shame. That I did what I had to do because the situation had become untenable.
Amy, I’m glad that you found the conversation helpful. I have started to release some of the shame. I started working with an EMDR therapist and it’s helping. I guess the first step was just realizing that I had the shame and hearing someone like Annalie talk about it was really helpful. I’m so sorry that you went through that with your mother. I hope you know that you didn’t do anything wrong and that you had to do what was best for her and in that situation going into a memory care center is the best. You are not a nurse and even a nurse isn’t qualified for dealing with someone with cognitive impairment. What people need when they get to the stage of something that a family member simply can’t provide. I hope that you can find some peace around this. I think watching parents decline like this is one of the hardest things to deal with as an adult child.
I have heard great things about EMDR from a few friends of mine who have benefited from it. Thanks for your kind and compassionate words about my mother. I loved her dearly and our relationship was close which made her decline especially difficult. She died just a year ago so it makes sense that the grief and all its attendant emotions, including that shame that clings on, are understandable. I am working on letting go of it through my practice of daily journaling, meditation and a wonderful life coach I'm lucky to have.
Wonderful and important to share, thank you.
So look forward to listening; Shame has been up for me lately along with repressed anger, fear, grief and all those emotions we need to bring out of the shadow.