So many people feel what you feel. I cringe when I hear people refer to the US as “the leader of the free world.”
I don’t disagree with the things you said. On the other hand, my guess is that your experience reflects the high-powered world of a person with a really high-level job in a city known for off-the-charts crazy.
I’ve been a “regular” at coffee shops in Baltimore for several decades. When I worked full-time at a non-high-powered-job, I stopped an hour before work to have a coffee and read the paper. There were others like me there. We got to know each other. We noticed if someone was unexpectedly away for a few days. I went on a date with one of the regulars. Just one, ha ha.
Now I work part-time, teaching qigong. I live with my partner, a man from India. He’s a psychiatrist with his own practice. Since the pandemic, he’s worked at home. He doesn’t make the money we think of when we think of doctors because of the way he chooses to work--not all about meds, taking patients who aren’t always able to pay, etc.
I teach on Zoom at home and in person a few places. Every morning, early, I go to a coffee shop in my community, where I actually have made friends. We linger over coffee and know each other well.
I live in an apartment complex in northwest Baltimore in a beautiful old neighborhood. We haven’t been able to get the money together for a house, and I do worry about old age. Yes I do.
When your job is thinking and reading and writing about the horrendous injustice and imbalance in our world, and there’s so much pressure to perform well, yes, for sure, you’re experiencing a way different life.
I do read a lot about the bad stuff, and I watch some cable news every day. But I also stare out my sliding glass door and look at the woods my apartment faces. I have a hummingbird feeder that gets a lot of action every summer. In the past month, I took a picture every day of the maple tree by my balcony. Full green, then yellow, then gold, then brown, then bare.
I live a privileged life. I also have worries and hard times, big and small. I cared for my mother, who had Alzheimer’s, for several years, which got more and more challenging and also frustrating because Medicare covers nothing Alzheimer’s-related until it’s time for hospice. Imagine, a brain disease not worthy of some help until the very end.
I read about the wars in the world and see the images and feel sadness and anger.
This is a snapshot of a life lived on a scale very different from the one you’ve been having.
KP-you could write the instruction manual on my oven and I’d read it—you are truly THAT good! This however feels like a download of so many of our conversations and so many things I am nowhere near as articulate as you to express. We do many things right here in the US and it will always be home and I will always want our success! However, the shift in body, mind, soul in Italy can not be ignored and I don’t think that’s just because my last name ends in a vowel. We lack connectivity and are starving for it here and have adapted to the lowest denominator of it—texting, video chats and Instagram comments. I can not wait to see your property, your homeS, your dreams fulfilled (your’s, Robert’s and Lucy’s!). This piece was a masterpiece—Grazie per tutti. (And you can ALWAYS just walk in my house with FULL refrigerator privileges) Brava, Bella😘
Brilliant essay, Kirsten. I'm in agreement with your assessment of the US. We've sipped enough Kool-Aid to believe the tripe we're being fed.
If I could return to my home country, Scotland, I would in a heartbeat. I'm 80 years old; my family is here. I'm lucky to have good friends who want to spend time with me -- and I with them.
If I were in my mid-30's, I leave the US permanently.
Please post updates on what your life is like in Puglia throughout the seasons. Your dissatisfaction with the effects of late stage capitalism is spot on. Life in the US very competitive now. It wasn’t like that for my middle class parents in the 50s, 60s and 70s. Something changed drastically to produce mass layoffs, the huge inequality gap, student debt crisis, removal of pensions and horrific housing prices. Sad to see you go, but I understand. Send pictures and keep writing. Ciao Kirsten.
Kirsten, I’m glad that you have found a place in Italy that gives rest for your soul and body. I have sensed your genuine longings for this type of personal peace ever since I started listening to you on cable and in your writings. It has also given you the perspective for an honest critique of a frenzied American culture that is being fueled by aggressive capitalism and an overcharged infusion of political grievance, hate and a lack of concern for the common good. Especially since the 2016 elections we have lost the desire and capacity to love God and neighbor as we should.
Yet, these weaknesses have always been in our American DNA. I think of Alexis de Tocqueville coining the term “individualism” to describe American motivations in the early 1800’s and his observation of the “inquietude” of the average American who was always restless to achieve more. These instincts have been part of the great American experiment and achievements in the world. Yet for most of our history they were somewhat restrained by a collective moral sensitivity and the rule of law. A basic humble belief in God as Creator and Sustainer of the universe kept us sufficiently restrained from the destructive consequences of our selfish compulsions.
Sadly, that is no longer the case. The nearly majority embrace of a thoroughly corrupt former president and a fear of anyone who is different has severely weakened the social and spiritual fabric of our nation. Our aspirations are more tied in with selfish consumerism and political power than with justice and compassion for one another. So I don’t see a political solution to our problems but rather hope and pray for a spiritual awakening of what it means to live as a nation with a humble spirit of grace and truth.
You paint a lovely picture of life in Italy with 10 acres of land away from the pressures of work deadlines and a hectic lifestyle. I hope it will be a place of deep satisfaction and refreshment for you. But as you surely know, that is not an option for almost any American except for the socially and financially rich. But may your experience translate into insights and perspectives that will continue to be of value to everyone who is still trying to be salt and light in what is sometimes our tasteless and darkening culture. I hope you will keep thinking and writing!
Ditto. And more. I keep writing books about what living in Italy gives. Besides the sanity you describe so well, plain everyday life offers surprise and a sense of community. The US is awfully skewed right now and who can see a rebounding! Many people now can work from anywhere. If possible, best to get to where you can nourish, as Mary Oliver says, "your one wild and precious life."
Thank you. Thank you. My daughter and her family left US to live in Portugal. I am beyond excited for them and the life they will live. I miss them so much but I know what they had here and what they have there.
We have to stay here in US because of elderly family and my oldest son has cancer. He has a family as well and he (currently, until the trial kicks him out) is undergoing treatment that is keeping him alive. There’s too much here for us to leave. For now we will be here and there. But I can only imagine what it would be like to live with my family in a place where we could have that life. Thank you again for being so brave and speaking out but there’s a lot of us in betweeners. How do we keep ourselves together in this country. So hard.
Incredibly insightful Kirsten and very sad and yet hopeful at the same time. I spent time in Europe last summer and was amazed at the degree of detail of how taking care of individuals was prioritized over do the minimum to get the greatest return on capital invested. It's amazing how if a society values benefitting the community as a whole rather than every man for himself how well that works for everyone in general. You are right in saying that the structure of the US has to change in order for any change to come about. The military budget is obscenely high compared to other nations because we have doubled down on being the world's greatest military complex. Imagine what a few billion less being spent on the war machine could do just to improve the lives of the marginalized in our country. I can rant forever but I'll end by saying congratulations on your new place in Italy and if you ever fulfill your dream of building a retreat center I'm there. Thank you again for this wonderful substack.
This is spot on. Thanks for writing so well so much of what I have been thinking. Sadly, we built a country firmly on the foundation that people are NOT created equal, while telling ourselves that they are. This legacy still holds us back. Too many Americans do not want the country to guarantee our basic needs because that means treating all people as deserving; they would rather go without than share with all. So the notion of the "common good" gets thrown out completely. I don't know how to turn us into the country we claimed to be at the start.
On another note, I just experienced Italy for the first time, and experienced some of that sense of community. My favorite thing was just walking around the plazas in the evening and watching how people enjoy each other. Interestingly, I experienced similar times in Puerto Rico last year, and that IS a place that embraces diversity, so it's possible to have it all.
It is sad to find all the bad things of the US summarized in one piece. And you were just starting 😇. Still what I can say as some one who lives between two continents for more than a decade is that our perspective is selective, too. We find a place wonderful because we surely only see the good stuff when we fall in love with it (as I did when I came to the US) and then, when we live there, we start to miss the other place. I found this realization almost paralyzing because in the end I felt homeless in both places. But surely there is something to the life circumstances which are needed in order to ensure the basic human conditions of having a good life as the Scandinavian countries show so well. The once like us able to travel and to chose where to live will have to live with the blessing and the burden of comparing. Thanks for the great piece!
Touched home with this one. While traveling to France for a wedding this past Spring, my wife of 31 years shared that she had always wanted to reside in France again where she spent 2 years of high school and 1 year of college. I replied "lets go" and a trip is planned for this winter to find a place and a target of living there by year end after we vote Blue to help Give America a Chance Again.
Thank you, Kirsten, for eloquently expressing a feeling I first had in the late 80s regarding the difference in lifestyles of Europeans vs. Americans. I was fresh out of high school and in need of some adventure. I joined the Army and was fortunate enough to be stationed in Germany during the end of the Cold War with glasnost and the Solidarity Movement in the news. It was a magical time to be in Europe. Our small group of friends consisted of us Americans who wanted to really experience the place we were inhabiting and some local German students. We were in all the local haunts rarely seen by Americans, having fun and holding deep conversations on the state of the world (through our young eyes). I would end up staying for nearly four years and, although having been to several other countries on different continents, all with their own charms, I’ve never experienced anything close to this again.
I completely understand your concern for America. We seem to be in a race to the bottom in so many ways and instead of a popular revolt against it, we have seemingly half the country supporting it. Quality of life issues aside, this budding authoritarianism within one of our two largest political parties is increasingly worrisome. I’ve thought more than once about what it would mean for the free world if the most powerful country on earth went off the rails.
On a positive note, I’ve since been back to that old German university town and walked around like I never left the place. Especially to and from my favorite pub. ;)
I feel this acutely- especially as our family of 5 (three kids between 10 and 2) is just this week back from an amazing break in Greece and Copenhagen. We live in DC and my husband and I often turn to each other and say “it shouldn’t have to be this hard.” (Also, amen to better food for 1/3 the price!) Thank you for putting into words what we’ve been struggling with- and fingers crossed we can figure out something better for our family, too.
I lived in Europe for 22 years after meeting and falling in love with a Swedish man in my late 20s. Over three decades later, this past year we divorced, amicably, although my choice and it's an interesting turn of events that the Swede wants to remain in the U.S. while I am longing to return to Europe (I lived in Sweden and then Malta). My daughters live in Spain and France and while college educated in the U.S. and American citizens, they have no plans to ever live here and raise families for many of the reasons I share--gun violence, restrictions on abortion, the rise of Trump and his supporters, the specter of his re-election. I must have a base here due to my mother's advancing dementia as her power of attorney but when I have the choice, southern Spain I will fly. Fortunately I have a Swedish passport which will make it easier. I do not plan to grow old here. I love my people here but so many of my values are more aligned with those of Europe.
Somehow I just stumbled onto your site, and I am a little confused how you "left the media circus" because I just watched you tonight on CNN's post-debate panel. (I always appreciate your sensible, intelligent, comments so I'll be sorry to see you leave.)
As for moving away to Italy: I read a story about a postman in Canada who was so sick of the politics and lifestyle that in 1982 he found the "safest, most peaceful" place on the planet, quit his job, packed up his family and moved to the Falkland Islands. Two weeks after settling in, the Falkland Islands War erupted over their heads.
So I guess there's a bit or a moral there.
But on a deeper level, with the US possibly headed into a dictatorship under a narcissistic and unchained psychopath, do you think maybe you could stick around at least until Nov 2024 and lend your voice and talents to help defeat this rising tide of fascism? No pressure, but we sure need all the help we can find.
Love the Mediterranean area. My sister lives in Allella on the outskirts of Barcelona, with beautiful historic towns and ancient fishing villages. I keep wanting to visit and stay a week. I agree with you that deeply rewarding friendships are key to a satisfying lifestyle and that’s more difficult in a frantic US culture. I suspect that rewarding friendships are not a “given” in any culture, more like a gift perhaps. I’m thankful for lifelong friendships in my home country (UK) and chosen country (US).
So many people feel what you feel. I cringe when I hear people refer to the US as “the leader of the free world.”
I don’t disagree with the things you said. On the other hand, my guess is that your experience reflects the high-powered world of a person with a really high-level job in a city known for off-the-charts crazy.
I’ve been a “regular” at coffee shops in Baltimore for several decades. When I worked full-time at a non-high-powered-job, I stopped an hour before work to have a coffee and read the paper. There were others like me there. We got to know each other. We noticed if someone was unexpectedly away for a few days. I went on a date with one of the regulars. Just one, ha ha.
Now I work part-time, teaching qigong. I live with my partner, a man from India. He’s a psychiatrist with his own practice. Since the pandemic, he’s worked at home. He doesn’t make the money we think of when we think of doctors because of the way he chooses to work--not all about meds, taking patients who aren’t always able to pay, etc.
I teach on Zoom at home and in person a few places. Every morning, early, I go to a coffee shop in my community, where I actually have made friends. We linger over coffee and know each other well.
I live in an apartment complex in northwest Baltimore in a beautiful old neighborhood. We haven’t been able to get the money together for a house, and I do worry about old age. Yes I do.
When your job is thinking and reading and writing about the horrendous injustice and imbalance in our world, and there’s so much pressure to perform well, yes, for sure, you’re experiencing a way different life.
I do read a lot about the bad stuff, and I watch some cable news every day. But I also stare out my sliding glass door and look at the woods my apartment faces. I have a hummingbird feeder that gets a lot of action every summer. In the past month, I took a picture every day of the maple tree by my balcony. Full green, then yellow, then gold, then brown, then bare.
I live a privileged life. I also have worries and hard times, big and small. I cared for my mother, who had Alzheimer’s, for several years, which got more and more challenging and also frustrating because Medicare covers nothing Alzheimer’s-related until it’s time for hospice. Imagine, a brain disease not worthy of some help until the very end.
I read about the wars in the world and see the images and feel sadness and anger.
This is a snapshot of a life lived on a scale very different from the one you’ve been having.
Congratulations on making that big decision!
KP-you could write the instruction manual on my oven and I’d read it—you are truly THAT good! This however feels like a download of so many of our conversations and so many things I am nowhere near as articulate as you to express. We do many things right here in the US and it will always be home and I will always want our success! However, the shift in body, mind, soul in Italy can not be ignored and I don’t think that’s just because my last name ends in a vowel. We lack connectivity and are starving for it here and have adapted to the lowest denominator of it—texting, video chats and Instagram comments. I can not wait to see your property, your homeS, your dreams fulfilled (your’s, Robert’s and Lucy’s!). This piece was a masterpiece—Grazie per tutti. (And you can ALWAYS just walk in my house with FULL refrigerator privileges) Brava, Bella😘
Brilliant essay, Kirsten. I'm in agreement with your assessment of the US. We've sipped enough Kool-Aid to believe the tripe we're being fed.
If I could return to my home country, Scotland, I would in a heartbeat. I'm 80 years old; my family is here. I'm lucky to have good friends who want to spend time with me -- and I with them.
If I were in my mid-30's, I leave the US permanently.
Please post updates on what your life is like in Puglia throughout the seasons. Your dissatisfaction with the effects of late stage capitalism is spot on. Life in the US very competitive now. It wasn’t like that for my middle class parents in the 50s, 60s and 70s. Something changed drastically to produce mass layoffs, the huge inequality gap, student debt crisis, removal of pensions and horrific housing prices. Sad to see you go, but I understand. Send pictures and keep writing. Ciao Kirsten.
Kirsten, I’m glad that you have found a place in Italy that gives rest for your soul and body. I have sensed your genuine longings for this type of personal peace ever since I started listening to you on cable and in your writings. It has also given you the perspective for an honest critique of a frenzied American culture that is being fueled by aggressive capitalism and an overcharged infusion of political grievance, hate and a lack of concern for the common good. Especially since the 2016 elections we have lost the desire and capacity to love God and neighbor as we should.
Yet, these weaknesses have always been in our American DNA. I think of Alexis de Tocqueville coining the term “individualism” to describe American motivations in the early 1800’s and his observation of the “inquietude” of the average American who was always restless to achieve more. These instincts have been part of the great American experiment and achievements in the world. Yet for most of our history they were somewhat restrained by a collective moral sensitivity and the rule of law. A basic humble belief in God as Creator and Sustainer of the universe kept us sufficiently restrained from the destructive consequences of our selfish compulsions.
Sadly, that is no longer the case. The nearly majority embrace of a thoroughly corrupt former president and a fear of anyone who is different has severely weakened the social and spiritual fabric of our nation. Our aspirations are more tied in with selfish consumerism and political power than with justice and compassion for one another. So I don’t see a political solution to our problems but rather hope and pray for a spiritual awakening of what it means to live as a nation with a humble spirit of grace and truth.
You paint a lovely picture of life in Italy with 10 acres of land away from the pressures of work deadlines and a hectic lifestyle. I hope it will be a place of deep satisfaction and refreshment for you. But as you surely know, that is not an option for almost any American except for the socially and financially rich. But may your experience translate into insights and perspectives that will continue to be of value to everyone who is still trying to be salt and light in what is sometimes our tasteless and darkening culture. I hope you will keep thinking and writing!
Gratefully, Bob
Ditto. And more. I keep writing books about what living in Italy gives. Besides the sanity you describe so well, plain everyday life offers surprise and a sense of community. The US is awfully skewed right now and who can see a rebounding! Many people now can work from anywhere. If possible, best to get to where you can nourish, as Mary Oliver says, "your one wild and precious life."
Thank you. Thank you. My daughter and her family left US to live in Portugal. I am beyond excited for them and the life they will live. I miss them so much but I know what they had here and what they have there.
We have to stay here in US because of elderly family and my oldest son has cancer. He has a family as well and he (currently, until the trial kicks him out) is undergoing treatment that is keeping him alive. There’s too much here for us to leave. For now we will be here and there. But I can only imagine what it would be like to live with my family in a place where we could have that life. Thank you again for being so brave and speaking out but there’s a lot of us in betweeners. How do we keep ourselves together in this country. So hard.
Incredibly insightful Kirsten and very sad and yet hopeful at the same time. I spent time in Europe last summer and was amazed at the degree of detail of how taking care of individuals was prioritized over do the minimum to get the greatest return on capital invested. It's amazing how if a society values benefitting the community as a whole rather than every man for himself how well that works for everyone in general. You are right in saying that the structure of the US has to change in order for any change to come about. The military budget is obscenely high compared to other nations because we have doubled down on being the world's greatest military complex. Imagine what a few billion less being spent on the war machine could do just to improve the lives of the marginalized in our country. I can rant forever but I'll end by saying congratulations on your new place in Italy and if you ever fulfill your dream of building a retreat center I'm there. Thank you again for this wonderful substack.
This is spot on. Thanks for writing so well so much of what I have been thinking. Sadly, we built a country firmly on the foundation that people are NOT created equal, while telling ourselves that they are. This legacy still holds us back. Too many Americans do not want the country to guarantee our basic needs because that means treating all people as deserving; they would rather go without than share with all. So the notion of the "common good" gets thrown out completely. I don't know how to turn us into the country we claimed to be at the start.
On another note, I just experienced Italy for the first time, and experienced some of that sense of community. My favorite thing was just walking around the plazas in the evening and watching how people enjoy each other. Interestingly, I experienced similar times in Puerto Rico last year, and that IS a place that embraces diversity, so it's possible to have it all.
It is sad to find all the bad things of the US summarized in one piece. And you were just starting 😇. Still what I can say as some one who lives between two continents for more than a decade is that our perspective is selective, too. We find a place wonderful because we surely only see the good stuff when we fall in love with it (as I did when I came to the US) and then, when we live there, we start to miss the other place. I found this realization almost paralyzing because in the end I felt homeless in both places. But surely there is something to the life circumstances which are needed in order to ensure the basic human conditions of having a good life as the Scandinavian countries show so well. The once like us able to travel and to chose where to live will have to live with the blessing and the burden of comparing. Thanks for the great piece!
Touched home with this one. While traveling to France for a wedding this past Spring, my wife of 31 years shared that she had always wanted to reside in France again where she spent 2 years of high school and 1 year of college. I replied "lets go" and a trip is planned for this winter to find a place and a target of living there by year end after we vote Blue to help Give America a Chance Again.
Thank you, Kirsten, for eloquently expressing a feeling I first had in the late 80s regarding the difference in lifestyles of Europeans vs. Americans. I was fresh out of high school and in need of some adventure. I joined the Army and was fortunate enough to be stationed in Germany during the end of the Cold War with glasnost and the Solidarity Movement in the news. It was a magical time to be in Europe. Our small group of friends consisted of us Americans who wanted to really experience the place we were inhabiting and some local German students. We were in all the local haunts rarely seen by Americans, having fun and holding deep conversations on the state of the world (through our young eyes). I would end up staying for nearly four years and, although having been to several other countries on different continents, all with their own charms, I’ve never experienced anything close to this again.
I completely understand your concern for America. We seem to be in a race to the bottom in so many ways and instead of a popular revolt against it, we have seemingly half the country supporting it. Quality of life issues aside, this budding authoritarianism within one of our two largest political parties is increasingly worrisome. I’ve thought more than once about what it would mean for the free world if the most powerful country on earth went off the rails.
On a positive note, I’ve since been back to that old German university town and walked around like I never left the place. Especially to and from my favorite pub. ;)
I feel this acutely- especially as our family of 5 (three kids between 10 and 2) is just this week back from an amazing break in Greece and Copenhagen. We live in DC and my husband and I often turn to each other and say “it shouldn’t have to be this hard.” (Also, amen to better food for 1/3 the price!) Thank you for putting into words what we’ve been struggling with- and fingers crossed we can figure out something better for our family, too.
I lived in Europe for 22 years after meeting and falling in love with a Swedish man in my late 20s. Over three decades later, this past year we divorced, amicably, although my choice and it's an interesting turn of events that the Swede wants to remain in the U.S. while I am longing to return to Europe (I lived in Sweden and then Malta). My daughters live in Spain and France and while college educated in the U.S. and American citizens, they have no plans to ever live here and raise families for many of the reasons I share--gun violence, restrictions on abortion, the rise of Trump and his supporters, the specter of his re-election. I must have a base here due to my mother's advancing dementia as her power of attorney but when I have the choice, southern Spain I will fly. Fortunately I have a Swedish passport which will make it easier. I do not plan to grow old here. I love my people here but so many of my values are more aligned with those of Europe.
Hello Kirsten,
Somehow I just stumbled onto your site, and I am a little confused how you "left the media circus" because I just watched you tonight on CNN's post-debate panel. (I always appreciate your sensible, intelligent, comments so I'll be sorry to see you leave.)
As for moving away to Italy: I read a story about a postman in Canada who was so sick of the politics and lifestyle that in 1982 he found the "safest, most peaceful" place on the planet, quit his job, packed up his family and moved to the Falkland Islands. Two weeks after settling in, the Falkland Islands War erupted over their heads.
So I guess there's a bit or a moral there.
But on a deeper level, with the US possibly headed into a dictatorship under a narcissistic and unchained psychopath, do you think maybe you could stick around at least until Nov 2024 and lend your voice and talents to help defeat this rising tide of fascism? No pressure, but we sure need all the help we can find.
Love the Mediterranean area. My sister lives in Allella on the outskirts of Barcelona, with beautiful historic towns and ancient fishing villages. I keep wanting to visit and stay a week. I agree with you that deeply rewarding friendships are key to a satisfying lifestyle and that’s more difficult in a frantic US culture. I suspect that rewarding friendships are not a “given” in any culture, more like a gift perhaps. I’m thankful for lifelong friendships in my home country (UK) and chosen country (US).