Italians Are Teaching Me About Rest

What many Americans call 'rest' is actually 'recovery'

In Italy, shops and offices close midday, which provides time for a languorous lunch, a nap—or both. This period is called riposo, which means “rest” in English, and it’s similar to what Spanish-speaking countries call a siesta. 

Part of the reason I moved to Italy¹ was to live in a culture with different values than the US, particularly regarding professional success and productivity, and because I felt like I had forgotten how to rest.

Daily free time to rest is not something many Americans experience; not even children who have seen their recess time decrease or disappear outright, and the time that was once used for unscheduled play is directed toward more “productive” endeavors to shape kids into more attractive college applicants and worker bees in our hyper-capitalist economic system.

In fact, what Americans—and increasingly Brits, Canadians, and Aussies—often call rest is actually recovery.

We will spend the weekend entombed in weighted blankets while binging Netflix and generally trying to gain strength to start the whole grind again on Monday. If we nap, we will tell ourselves that we “earned” it but still feel guilty. Even when we are lonely and desperate to see our friends, it can often feel like too much exertion to go out when energy needs to be conserved for the week ahead.

Rest in Italy looks very different.

Within days of landing in Puglia—the southern olive-oil-producing region of Italy where I’m renovating a tiny Trullo—I received multiple invitations to weekday lunches at local beach clubs.

The invites came from new friends who have busy jobs, and I was perplexed as to how they would have time to do something so unproductive and…fun…on a work day. I was still in a US state of mind, where lunch means inhaling a tuna wrap at your desk, not a multi-hour feast by the sea with friends and family.

To take one egregious example of the US productivity fetish²: an investigation by the New York Times discovered that, “Eight of the ten largest private US employers track the productivity metrics of individual workers, many in real time.” Workers complained that “their jobs are relentless, that they don’t have control — and in some cases, that they don’t even have enough time to use the bathroom.”³

This is grotesque; and what a contrast with how Italians, and frankly most Europeans, operate. In France, it’s not just an affront to cultural norms to to eat lunch at your desk—it’s a violation of labor law. Workers in the US deserve similar protections and guaranteed time for rest.⁴

After a few weeks of living by the rhythms of Italian culture, I noticed how quickly riposo had given me a calmer nervous system and more energy. I felt happier. Whereas the word “rest” for me typically meant self-isolation to recuperate from a stressful life, in Italy it began to be associated with connection and fun, the way it was when I was a child.

I realized I had the bandwidth to socialize and connect in Italy in a way I don’t in the US, where I careen into the weekend exhausted, drained, and stressed out.⁵ During the week in Italy, I essentially have culturally mandated rest every single day, and even when stores and offices are open and I’m going to appointments, the pace is so much less hurried than in the US.

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I went to Italy with the intention of slowing down and to reorder my life around things that actually matter. Still, I knew that I would be tested by the inefficiency that had become charming when I vacationed in Italy, but it would likely seem less so as a resident.

My immediate focus has been finishing the renovations on the Trullo⁶ so I can move in. So, during the week, in addition to doing my work, I spend time meeting with my project manager, the builder, and various vendors who will supply what I need to finish the project.

Renovations in any country are difficult, but I knew there would be culture-specific issues in Italy to deal with. Many people who don’t know Italy well made comments about how hard it would be because Italians are “lazy,” which they are not. They are actually very hard workers and I’ve found them to be extremely reliable.

The fact that their work does not define their existence does not make them lazy—it makes them normal.

In my case, the reason that everything was taking so much longer than I felt it should was because decisions that I believed had been made were constantly revisited. It didn’t matter if I thought that I’d made a choice for the type of front gate I would have. That decision was reopened repeatedly for no discernible reason, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. This meant visits to gate factories, in-depth seminars on how gates work (I don’t care), and drive-bys through various gates just so I could say, “I like the one I decided on last week.”

This is obviously not very efficient, and was eating into time I had allotted to do my work.

When I mentioned this phenomenon to American friends who have renovated homes in Italy, there was knowing laughter. We came to the conclusion that the Italians enjoy the process of discussing all the options and building the relationship with you and the various shop owners you visit. It’s worth noting that there is no economic incentive for this, since none of the people involved are paid by the hour.

It’s not that Italians can’t be efficient. It’s that efficiency isn’t one of their values, which left me wondering how it ever became one of mine.

After all, an over-emphasis on efficiency is corrosive. It means that getting something done quickly is more important than your co-workers or colleagues who you don’t take the time to get to know because that would “waste time.”

It’s also more important than the people in your life (friends, family, and community) you are ignoring to get a project done quickly or the people you are forcing to work overtime to finish a project that could just as easily be finished the next day or week.

This seems so obviously messed up, and yet, for so long, I found it to be totally normal and saw “inefficient” people and cultures as lacking.

While in the US many people lose their minds if they have to wait five minutes for something, it’s the expectation in Italy is that everything will take a minute. This means the customer is definitely not always right. Waiting for something in Italy is not the catastrophe that it seems to be for so many Americans who are in a perpetual rush no matter whether the issue demands hurry.

One day, after spending hours with an Italian salesperson, I was just about to settle on kitchen counters and shelves. Unfortunately for me, it was 1:30 pm, and the shop was closing for riposo. I had forgotten to calculate this factor into my day. The store was nearly an hour’s drive from where I was staying, and I would have to return another day. In the United States, this would have been extremely aggravating to me.

Fortunately, by the time this happened, I had surrendered to the Italian way.

Inconveniences are becoming right-sized in my life. This one was a small price to pay to live in a culture that isn’t driving its workers into the ground and that values time spent with friends and family and eating meals sitting down.

Even better: my dog Lucy got a spur-of-the-moment romp on the beach, and I got an unexpected mid-day float in the Adriatic.

I got to rest.

1. The way we live in the United States is not normal

2. Let's make 2024 the year of saying no to productivity culture

3. The Rise of the Worker Productivity Score (NYT)

4. We Don't Need 'Self-Help,' We Need Support

5. Chronic Stress is Making Us Sick

6. More info here about our land and the Trullo, with pictures.